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literature
HN is Real: Chapter 11: Two Adversaries, One Day
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Literature Text
The party was waiting at a forest clearing that may or may not have been the battleground with the Egg Dragon, named by Jacob after Compa revealed that "cutscene monsters are never documented". Nisa and Neptune looked highly agitated, Compa looked a bit nervous, Jacob was rocking back and forth in boredom and IF, even though she looked more or less indifferent, definitely felt the glares of the two most powerful members of the party.
"IF, I understand that one cannot save the world on an empty stomach or an empty wallet. However, I find taking a job from Avenir shameful, humiliating and in direct opposition to the justice that I stand for." Nisa's posture seemed composed but her face made it apparent she was barely holding back from ripping IF apart.
IF sighed. "I'm sorry but this was the highest paying job available at the time. If there was anything else, trust me when I say I would've chosen that instead."
Jacob spoke up. "I'm actually looking forward to this. We've all heard how 'evil' Avenir is but we've never met anyone who works there in person. Finally, we can see for ourselves what the president and, by proxy, the rest of the company is like."
Neptune seemed to like that answer. "Jacob's right; no amount of reviews can measure up to first-hand experience."
"… Does everything come back to abstract video game references that really don't make sense given the context?"
"Yes," replied the girls.
"Damn it."
"There's our client," IF pointed out.
A man approached the party. As he was a silhouette, the only thing that could be determined about his appearance was that his hair was slicked back and his posture was tall and powerful.
The man didn't say a thing, possibly scrutinising the party.
"Good afternoon, Mister Singe," Jacob greeted with a smile. "My name is Jacob. These are my friends Neptune, Compa, IF and Nisa, the last of which you may recognise. We have taken the monster hunting job offered."
Singe did not respond. He kept looking at the whole party closely. Compa looked a little bit unnerved.
He sighed. "… I don't have a choice," he finally stated. "I need you to eliminate all the surrounding monsters while I inspect a plant by the city outskirts. Don't let any run loose and cause damage to the facility. Get moving." Without another word, he turned and left.
"What's his problem?" Compa was annoyed, which was quite rare. "He must be underestimating us because of our looks. How rude!"
"It's inevitable when you and Neptune are around," IF responded.
Compa was taken aback by that jocular statement. "Iffy, you're not one to talk when you're that short… and without boobies."
"EXCUSE ME?" Nisa was instantly in front of Compa with a face that would frighten Arfoire and a fire in her eyes. "Do you mock our elegant chests? I'll have you know," Nisa drew her gun and extended the blade, "that we who are modestly endowed can have the strength of ten buxom women!"
"Eep!" went Compa.
"Hey hey hey hey hey!" Jacob quickly stepped between the two. "Ladies, let's not fight over something so trivial; we have a job to do. Nisa, you're the most powerful member of this team. Don't let those comments get to you."
"What about me?" asked Neptune. "I can transform and get big, beautiful-"
"You're a goddess and you're in your own league," Jacob interrupted. "We're talking about humans and, as far as that goes, Nisa exceeds all of us as she was able to take on the Egg Dragon with her bare hands and feet."
Nisa's wrath had completely died to be replaced with pride. "That's absolutely right, my pupil; us adequately breasted girls can be every bit as powerful as the mightiest stupidly large breasted girl!"
Jacob facepalmed. "That's not the point… The point is that your cup size has absolutely nothing to do with your physical aptitude."
"Can we please get back to the job at hand?" asked IF loudly.
"Right, sorry. Anyway," Jacob activated his jetpack, "I'll take to the skies and keep an eye out for the monsters. Nisa-"
"Sensei," Nisa reminded him.
"Right, sorry. Sensei, IF, you two are fast so circle the area and cut off any monsters that try to escape. Neptune, Compa, just walk around and take out any monsters you come across. I'll tell you where the monsters are by striking them with my lasers. Alright?"
"Sounds good to me," answered IF.
Compa nodded. "That sounds like a good plan."
Nisa sniffed.
"… Sensei, are you okay?" Jacob asked.
"My pupil's a tactical genius…" Nisa wiped a tear from her eye. "He's growing up so quickly… I'm so proud of you, Jacob…"
"…" Jacob smiled. "Thanks, Sensei."
"Alright everyone, let's clear 'em out!" Neptune cheered.
Neptune wiped some sweat from her forehead. Nisa had joined her and Compa about a minute ago. "I think that's all of them." Neptune looked up. "Hey, Jacob! Any others?"
"Not as far as I can tell. I'm gonna stay up for another minute or so to make sure. I've asked IF to keep alert at the edge to make sure that any that we missed don't scurry off."
IF approached the party. "Okay, I've been patrolling for two minutes and I haven't seen a single other monster. We've definitely killed the lot of them."
Neptune smiled. "Awesome! Good job, everyone!"
Compa was in high spirits. "We did really well today."
"And the Super Dimension Game Party saves the day again!" triumphantly shouts Nisa. "I knew I made the right decision to join your group."
"We're very lucky and thankful to have you in our party, Nisa," Compa responded.
"Here he comes," said IF in regards to Singe, who approached the party. Everyone turned to him in response.
"The inspection is complete. Are you kids done, too?" Singe looked around. "And where's the boy?"
"Up here, sir," Jacob answered before landing. "And yes, all monsters have been exterminated."
Singe's professional posture remained, whether because that was normal for him or he just wasn't surprised. "Really? You sure you didn't miss any?"
Neptune looked really proud of herself. "It's all good when I'm on the prowl! We even took out the boss-like one so I'll betcha that they'll stay away for a while."
"Good." As always, Singe's tone was unchanging and all business. "However, if even one remains and it damages the facility, we will never conduct business with you again."
"Th-That's a bit harsh. Why can't you just repair the facility if that happens?" Compa asked.
"Compa, we were hired in the first place to make sure they didn't have to. I imagine the reward for us helping them is substantially less than how much it'd cost to repair the plant in the event it got damaged," Jacob explained.
"Oh. That makes sense."
IF spoke up. "Anyway, about our payment?"
"It will be forwarded to your accounts." Again, Singe left without saying his farewells.
"The President of Avenir… Given his cold attitude, those 'evil' claims are beginning to hold water," Jacob noted.
"I know, right?" Neptune huffed. "The nerve of that guy."
"Let's go back for now," said IF. The party wordlessly agreed and followed IF out of the forest.
"Finally, we're back." Jacob sighed in relief at the front of the motel. "I want to get some rest."
"Oh no, you don't." Nisa grabbed onto the bottom of Jacob's jacket. "We have training to do."
"Aw, but Nisa," Jacob whined, "we already trained this morning! Not to mention I still haven't quite recovered from you trying to make me do full splits in mid-air."
"We're not going to do something that extreme again, okay? We're just going to take baby steps this time. Now, come on; there's a good open area nearby."
"We'll come, too," said Compa. "I want to see how this training goes."
IF shrugged. "Not like we've got anything better to do."
"Also, Jacob, I acquired some things for you that will prove useful for your training." Nisa reached into her box and took out two very small dumbbells, one after the other. "Use them when you are not busy; they're a good way to build up strength."
"Okay." Jacob took a dumbbell in each hand and began doing bicep curls as the party walked.
Nisa's destination turned out to be a wide open junkyard. Scattered around were various discarded… "items" for lack of a better word, such as a swimming pool, construction pipes, playgrounds, vehicles and more, all of which were at least half covered in rust and not safe to use. The asphalt only covered the ground on the left of the junkyard; it was broken in the middle, leaving only dirt, and to the right of it was, bizarrely, grass with, even more bizarrely, some healthy bundles of flowers here and there. Also in sight were tall buildings and smoke-emitting factories.
"I have no idea where to start with this," began Jacob, his dumbbells tucked inside his disc. "I mean, why are those apartment buildings even in the same area as the factories? That can't be healthy, especially since that smoke is at least as high as the highest rooms, meaning they're not getting any healthy air. Who designed this bloody landmass?"
"Jacob, as admirable as your knowledge of practical architecture is, we should get this lesson underway," Nisa said, settled into her teaching role. "Now, as this is your first proper lesson, I believe we should work on simple exercises of power."
"Actually, I was wondering if you could teach me how to disarm someone," Jacob requested.
Nisa raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
"Yeah, just in case some random schmuck runs up to me with a knife or holds me at gunpoint. I want to be able to defend myself if that ever happens."
"Very well, that is fair enough." Nisa took out her prinny gun. "Now, the first thing you should know is that there are different preferred methods of disarming someone with a gun and someone with a melee weapon. As most citizens of Gamindustri specialise with melee weapons, let us begin with that." Nisa walked behind Jacob with the yellow energy blade extending from her firearm. "Okay, on the occasion someone has you in a position like this…"
IF turned to Neptune and Compa, who were sitting next to her on the pipe about ten meters away from the training session. "Hey, have you heard about the mysterious monsters appearing in Lastation?"
"Ooh, are they tough? Super tough? What kinda monsters are they?" Neptune asked, eager to fight a powerful opponent.
"I was told they attack in groups while making weird noises," IF responded.
Just then, something made a weird noise.
"And… I think I heard a weird noise just now…" said IF slowly.
"What was that?" asked Jacob as he held Nisa's arm over his shoulder with the underside facing upwards.
"It's nothing, don't worry. Now, you know that pulling my arm down's gonna hurt me because the arm shouldn't bend backwards, right?"
"Huh?" Neptune strained to hear the weird noises but she couldn't. "Oh, phsaw! Don't try to scare us like that."
"I-I hear it, too…!" Compa switched to nervous mode again. "It's coming from every direction!"
"Okay, seriously, what is that?" Jacob asked again.
"Don't worry; they're not going to hurt you. Now, when you've elbowed your assaulter in the gut…"
"Are we surrounded? Is it an ambush?" IF slid off of the pipe and switched her katara out. "E-Everyone, get ready?"
"It's fine, don't worry!" Nisa assured the girls. "They're just robot dogs!"
Neptune, Compa and IF looked at Nisa. Jacob just kept looking straight ahead because Nisa was behind him. "… Huh?"
"Arf! Arf, arf!"
From the surrounding junk, a multitude of toy robot dog silhouettes that looked like AIBOs came out and approached the girls. One of them went up to Neptune. "Arf!" it went before whimpering.
"Phew…" IF retracted her weapons.
"… Aren't these the robotic pets that were popular a few years back?" Compa asked as she crouched down to look at a couple of dogs that were sitting in front of her.
"Huh? I never knew nothin' about it," said Neptune.
"That's because you're an amnesiac, Neptune," Jacob noted as he let go of Nisa's arm. "Sensei, you know these things?"
"Yeah." Nisa crouched down to pet a couple of them. Most of the rest of them decided to get close to her. "I come here often to practice new techniques that I learn after levelling up. These pet robots were abandoned by people after the trend died down and ended up here. They're good companions for relaxation after a hard day's work."
"They're not threatening at all." Neptune petted the head of the dog that stayed in front of her. "Look at how they're wagging their tails and being all nice and stuff!" The dog whimpered in delight at Neptune's affection. Neptune chuckled. "There, there. I know you're just lonely, ArfArf. It's okay, come over here to Mama Neptune…"
"Seems they've found their newest pack member…" IF commented before she felt her phone rumble in her pocket.
Jacob sighed. "Well, now I feel sad."
"Why, Jake?" asked Compa.
"Well, these dogs have been abandoned and left to rot in this dump and all they want is a home. I want to take them with me-"
The dogs all snapped their heads towards him at once.
"- but I can't."
The dogs whimpered in disappointment and hung their heads.
Nisa thought for a moment. "Well, why don't you just take them in your disc?"
"I know I can do that but that's not the problem. Where are we going to find the money to replace their batteries?"
Nisa smiled. "You don't need to worry about that, my student! These canines run on batteries of the DuraDuraDuracell brand! They last thirty times longer than Caffeniser Ton-Duty batteries and the dogs are smart enough to replace their own batteries if they run short."
"Wait, what? How the hell can they do that? How can they hold the screwdriver, much less use it to open their battery ports?"
Nisa waved her hand dismissively. "Details. Now, do you want them or not?"
"I do!" Compa bent down towards the dogs. "Would you all like to come with us?" All at once, the dogs barked and rolled over to Compa. "Well, come on in!" One by one, she picked up the dogs and put them in her disc. Jacob did the same and so did Neptune, starting with the one she named ArfArf.
"Well, this party just got livelier," IF noted. "Oh, by the way, Chian called. She wants to talk with us at her restaurant about our most recent job with Avenir."
"Huh?" Neptune was confused. "How did she know about that?"
"I don't know but let's go talk with her anyway. She also said she has a job for us."
"Yahoo! More money incoming! Let's go, everyone!"
Nisa turned to Jacob. "After this, we'll practice disarming a bit more." She then sighed. "If we keep progressing through the plot at this rate, we'll never get your training done."
Jacob took out his dumbbells. "I'm sure an opportunity will come around sooner or later, like waiting for a landmass or something. Anyway, let's move."
"Hiya!" shouted Neptune as she burst into Chian's restaurant once more and sat at the counter with the rest of the party. "Aw, I feel so at home… This dirty counter, the small, confined rooms… The smell of food baked into the walls!"
Jacob looked at the counter closely while rubbing his bicep. "… Dirty?"
"Shut up!" retorted Chian. "Did you meet Singe? What did you think? Isn't he horrible?"
"We didn't really talk much," IF answered. "He gave us a job, we did it, he told us that he won't work with us again if we screwed up and then he left."
Jacob continued. "As far as we can tell, though, he's a bit of a jerk. Given that he's the president of Avenir, they might be bad guys after all."
"… Really?" Chian didn't seem to be expecting that. "He didn't rant on about how you were imperfect or something, or the superiority of machines?"
"… No, he didn't," Jacob answered, confused. "Why, is that normal?"
"Pretty much." Chian crossed her arms. "He's entirely against manual labour."
"You've met him before?" Neptune asked.
"Naturally. He represents the whole company. He's also one of my old school's alumnus."
Jacob stuck up his hand. "The word you're looking for is 'alumni', which is the plural of alumnus."
"Jacob, cut that out," said Neptune.
"Not my fault the writers can't even use a spellchecker."
"Anyway," said Chian through gritted teeth, determined to drive this conversation back on its proper road, "I saw him when he came to lecture a class. I bet he just prattled on about how precise machines are and whatnot."
"You 'bet'? Are you telling me you slept through the lecture?" Jacob asked.
Chian was flustered. "W-Well, so what if I did?"
"He didn't say anything like that when we talked to him," said Compa.
"Guess he didn't have the opportunity." Chian crossed her arms. "He doesn't approve of any technician's skill or pride. I despise him, but that's not the only reason. But enough of that. Let's talk about getting you another job. I need you to go to the next town and pick up some materials from Chevre. Here." She gave Neptune a rolled-up large piece of paper. "It's the map to his shop."
Neptune put it away in her hammerspace. "Thanks. Don't worry; we'll get those materials lickity-split!"
"… Broading public information from the Basilicom." Everyone turned to the radio that just started.
"How long's that been on?" Jacob asked.
"Shh!" IF nudged Jacob slightly.
The broadcast continued. "After discussions amongst the Basilicom representatives, the Tech Expo has been cancelled this year."
The news shocked everyone to the very core. The Tech Expo, the only line of hope that Passe had in order to not fail like every other company...
... gone?
"What?" Chian said loudly after the surprise subsided. "Wait a sec!"
"The Sanctuary announced this is due to a decreased number of exhibitors," the radio went on. "However, the civil community speculates that the Parliament may have pressured the Sanctuary into the cancellation of this traditional event…"
Any other moment, Jacob would have raised the issue as to whether news broadcasters were allowed to voice such political scandal. However, he was too surprised right now to say anything.
"Are you kidding me? We can't wait another four years!" screamed Chian as she grabbed the radio with as much force as she could muster. "By then, all the factories will be long gone!" She raised the radio into the air, ready to throw it at the ground.
Neptune was quite alarmed by this point. "Whoa, Chian, calm down!"
Chian froze. Everyone was too afraid to say anything.
Then Chian placed the radio back, not looking at the party. "This was probably the last chance my company had…" she murmured.
The party looked at one another, uncertainty shared equally amongst them. Finally, Compa spoke. "Chian… are you going to be okay?"
Chian turned away from the party and braced herself on the wall. "Yeah… I think…" She sighed. There was no doubt in the party's mind that Chian was, for all intents and purposes, really hurt. "Please go for a bit. I need some time to think."
"… Okay." Neptune hopped off her barstool. "Come on, everyone."
"Whoa…" Jacob took in some air once the party was outside. "Can't believe the Expo's been cancelled."
IF raised an eyebrow. "What's this? High King Snark has no sarcastic quips for us this time?"
"No, actually, I don't," he responded. "Still, what do we do now? Do we go for the materials or what?"
"Actually… don't be mad, please, but I accepted a quest." Compa turned her face to the side and tapped her index fingers together.
Everyone turned to her. "Really? Which one?" asked Jacob.
"A child has gotten lost in a dungeon and the mother wants us to find them," Compa explained. "I'm sorry, I just felt sorry for the poor mother."
"Oh, for the love of…" IF facepalmed. "We don't have a single clue regarding the Key Fragment or a Guard Vermin. Why would you take a job about a lost child on top of this?"
"We'll never save the world if we don't save its people!" Compa argued. "My grandpa said, 'you must learn to walk before you can run'! The mom looked worried. There are so many nasty creatures outside of town. Her child will be eaten if we don't hurry!"
"So what?" IF crossed her arms. "Babies get eaten all the time. It's survival of the fittest. I'll leave you behind if you keep dilly-dallying."
"IF!" Nisa shouted. "How could you speak of such a callous act? We are heroes of justice, sworn to defend the weak and defenceless!"
"Yeah!" Jacob was also indignant. "I mean, if we're going to go by that survival of the fittest bull, we might as well not be on this quest to begin with!"
"... What is with you people?" IF murmured quietly to herself.
"Don't worry Iffy; I'll buy you some lollipops later!" Neptune promised cheerily.
"Stop calling me Iffy, please," IF responded through gritted teeth.
"So, Compa, what's this kid look like?" Neptune asked.
"The mom said her/his body is just an NPC silhouette so she/he should be easy to spot," answered Compa.
"Wait. Hold on. What?" Jacob put his fingers on the sides of his head like he was imitating a psychic. He then stopped. "You mean to tell me that the citizens of Gamindustri actually know that other people are silhouettes?"
"Yeah, they do."
"... Then why don't they act any differently when they see that we aren't silhouettes?"
Compa raised her index finger to answer in a manner befitting of a teacher... but she didn't answer. "I... don't know."
"That's a very good question," noted IF.
"This mystery will have to be put on hold!" Nisa announced. "As Compa has said with the utmost accuracy, this child will not survive long if we do not come to their rescue!"
"I wonder how many plot holes we're just going to leave unravelled by this time this adventure closes?" IF asked.
"Don't know, don't care," Neptune answered. "Right now, we're on a mission!"
The dungeon the party arrived at was another Cave #1 copy.
Jacob sighed. "Another day, another one-floor dungeon with copy-pasted walls and endless random-encounter turn-based flash-transition battles."
"Oh, suck it up," IF rebuked.
"Jacob, as your leader, I demand you give me a chance to say funny things whenever we enter a dungeon from now on," ordered Neptune.
"Bite me," Jacob retorted.
The party progressed through the dungeon at a leisurely rate until they came across some monsters, three in total. One of them was a giant blue Minotaur that wore a golden helmet with an elongated 'beak', two horns and a visor with many vertical slits and a red loincloth. In its right hand, it held a large hatchet that was proportioned similar to a cleaver. Its left hand didn't exist; instead, a buckler was strapped to its left stone wrist cuff by a red cloth. On its back was a large red cape held in place by three pieces of golden neck armour.
The other two monsters were far less threatening. Compared to the Minotaur that was two Neptunes tall, these weeds didn't even reach Neptune's knee. They were small white plants with green legs and green leaves sticking out of their heads. They also two large leaves acting as arms. What was most distinguishable about them, however, was that they looked like they were about to cry at any moment.
"Compa, what are those?" Jacob asked.
"The big one's a Gyuki and the small ones are Weeping Grass."
"I'm worried about the Gyuki."
"Never fear, my student!" Nisa shouted from behind him. "I shall provide emotional support from back here!"
The rest of the party turned back to face her. "… Why aren't you up here?" Jacob asked.
"… We practice turn-based combat. How do you not know this?"
"Oh, that's right," Jacob facepalmed.
"Um, Nisa?" Compa spoke up. "We don't do that anymore. We just charge right in and take the monsters out."
"… You do?" Nisa asked.
"Yeah," confirmed IF. "It's much quicker and more fun and we still get EXP for it."
"Wait; we still level up from this?" Jacob asked.
"… Yeah, didn't you know that?" IF returned.
"Well, I kind of figured we'd be exempt since we kind of buggered over the combat. What level am I?"
"I think we're about level 10 by now."
"Oh, sweet… What does that do?"
"Increased health, physical attack, ranged attack, physical defence and ranged defence. There's also getting more combos but, as we just fight the enemies free form, we don't really use them."
"Nice."
"You're not gonna cry foul at levelling up, Jacob?" Neptune asked.
"Hey, I don't have a problem with levelling up. Turn-based combat most definitely but not levelling up. Getting stronger and getting new abilities to juggle your foes with is very cool."
"Alright, I can see the sense in that," said Nisa. "However, I still cannot battle with you."
"What? Why?" asked Jacob.
"I cannot battle without my battle ticket. It must be bought from the Lastation Store for three dollars forty five."
All was silent.
Jacob rubbed his temples. "You're kidding."
"While it does pain me that I cannot fight for justice alongside my dearest comrades, I must abide by the rules of DLC."
"But you're already a member of the party! Why the hell should I get permission to use a resource I already have? What kind of bullcrap is this?"
"I don't know but, as long as I don't have my battle ticket, I cannot fight with you. Such is life."
Jacob raised his fists to the sky.
Compa put a hand on his shoulder. "Calm down, Jacob. We'll just pay when we get back."
Jacob sighed and lowered his fists. "You're right; we'll just wait this out and- Nisa, there's a god damn giant spider behind you!"
"Where?" Nisa turned around fast as lightning but there was no spider behind her. However, now that Jacob was behind her, he hooked his arms under her shoulders and lifted her into the air. "Hey! This is not appropriate conduct between a student and his sensei!"
"Oh calm down," Jacob told her before flying over the Gyuki and dropping her on top of it.
"HEY!" she called before performing an axe kick on the Gyuki's head with enough force to knock it down. "Okay, fine! Legal transactions can wait."
"Yes! Everyone, destroy them!" commanded Jacob.
At once, the party charged forward. With the Gyuki toppled and the Weeping Grass being Weeping Grass, the battle was over very quickly.
"You were right," Nisa said as she twirled her arm, "that was much quicker."
"Glad you agree." Jacob rolled his shoulders. "Now, can we please drop that whole DLC nonsense, preferably for the rest of the game?"
Nisa sighed. "Fine. You will have unlimited access to my righteous services for free."
"Yes!" Jacob high-fived Neptune. "Now, let's get moving."
About a minute or so of walking around, taking the contents of random treasure chests and punching Cockatrices in the face, kicking Weeping Grass out of the way and actually putting even a little bit of effort into killing Gyuki, the party came across a round room.
In the middle of it was the bloody corpse of a monster.
"A monster… It's already dead," IF noted as she crouched before the monster's corpse.
Jacob crouched down beside IF as did Nisa. "Don't monsters burst into data after death?"
"We're probably in a cutscene." IF looked over at Neptune and Compa, who were standing a distance away. They didn't look very comfortable at all. "What're you doing? Hurry up and get over here."
"Nope, no thanks!" Neptune responded. "It's all you, Iffy! Go ahead and take care of it. Compa and I are gonna wait here patiently."
"Just tell us if you don't want to find the lost child!" Compa added on.
IF's eye twitched. "We've beaten a ton of monsters already. Aren't you used to seeing them dead yet?"
"To be fair, they haven't actually seen a monster corpse. They always explode into bits of data when we kill them," stated Jacob.
IF inspected the corpse. "… A clean cut and a huge welt. Doesn't look like any weaponry from Lastation."
"So a cutting weapon and… what? A stick? How does that make sense?" Jacob asked.
"Blunt side of a sword, possibly. Could it be Planeptune's advanced weaponry? No… but what…?"
Nisa turned her head to the side. "Huh?" She stood up very quickly and drew her prinny gun. "Halt! Who goes there?"
A woman approached the party. She looked a lot like Purple Heart, except her secondary colour was white and her bodysuit had no sleeves. She also had white claws and a few white spike ornaments protruding from her wrist cuffs. Her wings were in the shape of two floating circular black objects on either side of her, each having three blue half-diamond spikes that resembled thrusters, which directly contrasted Purple Heart's hologram-esque butterfly wings. Her long, unbound white hair ended just above her waist and she had somewhat messy bangs. Her eyes were like Purple Heart's, only they were cyan instead of blue.
"Are you Nisa?" she asked. "Never expected to see the so-called hero of Gamindustri in a dungeon like this."
"I am indeed Nisa, she who smites evil, but who might you be and why are you in this dungeon?"
"The kid," she responded. "I came to save a child. It's taken care of. But I don't need to be thanked. Anyway, there was supposed to be a girl who accepted the same job. Her name's Neptune. You know her?"
"Why is this important to you?" Jacob stood up. "What, tossing her off of Celestia wasn't enough and now you feel the need to push her off Gamindustri entirely?"
Everyone looked towards Jacob, shocked at his words. "Jacob, what's going on?" Compa asked.
The mysterious girl narrowed her eyes at him in distain. "What on Gamindustri are you talking about?"
"Cut the crap, Black Heart." Jacob's statement shocked everyone further. "I know it's you."
Black Heart was definitely taken off guard but she composed herself. "Why would you call me by such a name? Surely you know that Black Heart looks absolutely nothing like me?"
"That's true. However, Purple Heart looks absolutely nothing like Neptune." Jacob turned to Neptune. "Care to demonstrate?"
Neptune transformed into Purple Heart and approached Black Heart, stopping a few meters away. "So you're one of the goddesses that pushed me off Celestia. Why would you do that?"
Black Heart was now visibly shocked. "How did you know…?" she asked Jacob.
"I know a lot of things. Now, why did you do that to Neptune?"
Black Heart clenched her fist. From her own hammerspace, Black Heart took out a massive grey sword that was at least as tall as her. It had two blades back-to-back that were spaced apart, the round hand guard was very large and there was what seemed to be a secondary grip with a hand guard shaped like half a diamond directly below it. "This has nothing to do with you, foreigner. This is between me and Purple Heart."
"Yeah, not happening." Jacob stood in front of Purple Heart and got into a battle stance. "See, Neptune's kind of on a mission to save someone and we're her compatriots. You mess with her, you mess with us."
Black Heart smirked. "Well, if you think you can take me on, I'll be happy to play with you." Black Heart got into her battle stance.
"Neptune," Jacob whispered silently behind him, "tell Nisa to strike her with a Justice Kick once her back's turned. Hopefully, we'll wrap this up in one move."
"Very well," Purple Heart whispered back.
With their eyes locked, Black Heart and Jacob silently and slowly circled each other, waiting for the opportunity to strike. Well, Black Heart was; Jacob was trying to move her into position for his plan. He knew he couldn't take on Black Heart even if his life depended on it. Black Heart stopped when they rotated ninety degrees so that they were both an equal distance away from the party and raised her sword ever so slightly. Jacob stopped as well but Black Heart was not in the position required for his plan to work an he knew that, if he tried to push the circling, she'd close the distance between them in a second and slice him into ribbons.
Everyone knew by now that Jacob's lasers were pathetically weak. They were too weak to do noticeable damage and they were too thin to attack multiple targets at once. They did, however, have another use.
Thinking quickly, Jacob activated his jetpack as he fired a laser from each hand, one in a line in front of Black Heart and another in a line directly in front of him. These lasers kicked up clouds of dust that obscured him from his opponent, allowing him to fly away quickly to the right just as Black Heart blindly charged forward in an attempt to tackle him into the wall. He landed and got into another battle stance just as she stopped herself. "Over here," he called.
Black Heart turned to face him. "Nice try. However, trying to blind me so that I'll smash into a wall isn't going to work in this world." She smirked again. "This isn't a video game, you know."
The irony in that statement caused Jacob to smile. "While that would've been a nice bonus, I did that simply so I could inflict on you the kick of justice." He didn't look directly at her but he could tell that Nisa got the signal.
Black Heart didn't catch on. "Is that what you na-"
Before she could finish, Nisa smashed into the back of Black Heart's head with the speed and force of a rocket-propelled meteor. Jacob dodged to the right as Black Heart flew past him and bounced on the floor a few times before coming to a stop. Nisa had jumped off of Black Heart's head on impact and landed on the floor.
"No loud cry of 'Justice Kick' this time, Sensei?" Jacob asked with a smile.
Nisa dusted her hands as she walked up to Jacob. "Sometimes, Jacob, a situation calls for subtlety. That was a very good plan, by the way."
"It worked because she's too focused on being stronger rather than being the winner," said Jacob. "Now, what should we do with- oh, crap."
Black Heart slowly pushed herself off the ground, clearly in a great amount of pain. She managed to stand up but on shaky legs. She also looked very mad. "Jacob, was it…?" she asked, panting. "You have no idea what you have just done…"
Nisa stretched a hand out to stop Jacob from advancing. "Jacob, retreat to Compa's side; you've done enough for this battle. Lady Purple Heart, IF and I will finish her off."
"You think it will be that easy…?" Black Heart asked as Jacob flew back to Compa.
IF and Purple Heart came up to Nisa's side. "Well, that attack obviously took a lot out of you, our CPU is still nice and fresh and it's now three on one. I think the odds are in our favour," IF answered with a smirk.
"Really now?" In defiance of her injuries, Black Heart rushed forward to perform a horizontal swipe on the three melee combatants. Nisa hopped back while Purple Heart simply parried the attack and followed up with a snap kick that pushed Black Heart back. IF followed through by advancing and making two cuts at Black Heart's torso. She then performed a reverse roundhouse kick but Black Heart caught it and simply flung IF to the side.
Nisa leaped forward to flying snap kick Black Heart's face but the attack was blocked. When she landed, she used her left fist to strike Black Heart's abdomen, which struck true but Black Heart was nothing if not stubborn; she swiped horizontally but Nisa jumped over it. She tried to kick Black Heart's face again but Black Heart, to the surprise of everyone, dropped the sword and snatched Nisa's leg before tossing her away. Nisa, however, landed on her feet and stopped herself from going any further. Black Heart picked up her sword but not before she was struck in the back by a bullet and two energy spheres, followed by another bullet.
"I've had enough of you!" Furiously, she turned around to charge towards the long-range combatants but Purple Heart would not let that happen; she flashed in front of Black Heart and horizontally slashed high. Black Heart ducked and rammed Purple Heart into the wall using her flight but, even though it did hurt, Purple Heart rose into the air and kicked Black Heart away before speeding forward with her sword, which Black Heart blocked.
"They're too high to use CQC on," Jacob noted. "Just shoot when Purple Heart's out of harm's way."
Purple Heart and Black Heart continued their duel in the air. Given that Black Heart had already taken a lot of damage and was still a bit dazed from Nisa's Justice Kick and Purple Heart had taken very little damage and whose head was not spinning like a top on a lake of ice coated with butter, Purple Heart had a clear advantage. Black Heart's sword strokes, while powerful, were frenzied, desperate and sluggish, which gave Purple Heart's calm, precise and swift attacks no competition.
While their blades were clashing, Black Heart briefly gained the upper hand when she successfully forced Purple Heart away. She attempted to follow through with a painful assault but she found herself getting pummelled by energy spheres and more bullets. "Cut that out!" she roared.
"Okay." Jacob heeded her request and treated her to a Wide Roar instead, which engulfed her entirely.
"Now, Nep-Nep!" Compa called.
Jacob discontinued his attack to let Purple perform a powerful downwards swing with her sword. Black Heart's blade managed to stop the sword from striking her but there was no strength behind her block; the mighty blow sent Black Heart to the ground, causing her to drop her weapon. Purple Heart descended to the ground and transformed back into Neptune as her friends came to her side, weapons ready.
"No…" she panted as she kneeled. "How could I lose…?"
"Superior tactics, strength in numbers and surprise attacks really help." Jacob walked up to the defeated CPU. "Now," he raised his hand at Black Heart's face, "tell me what your beef is with Neptune."
Black Heart raised her head and saw Jacob's outstretched palm, the weapon that shot those spheres. She could tell he was eager to use it again. She wouldn't let him.
"I'll crush you all next time!" Black Heart shouted as she quickly rose into the air and flew out the room, energy balls and bullets following after here.
"Damn it, goddesses are fast," Jacob complained. "Well, that's our only source of information regarding what happened in Celestia well and truly gone. Now what?"
"I can't believe that we actually defeated a CPU in direct combat," Nisa stated.
"We had Neptune here as well as you." IF retracted her katara. "We were always going to win, with or without Jacob's strategy."
"Which, if I say so myself, was ingenious," Jacob said with a proud smile.
"It was effective, I'll give you that," IF told him. "Doesn't change the fact that this whole mission was a waste of time. We still don't know where to find the Key Fragment or a dungeon containing a Guard Vermin, the Tech Expo's still closed down and we're not getting paid for this sidequest."
"IF, be more proud of yourself!" Nisa swatted patted IF on the back. "You managed to go toe-to-toe with Lady Black Heart herself! Not many people can claim such a thing."
"It's good that we also found out that Lady Black Heart has the same ability to transform as Neptune," Compa chipped in.
"That doesn't change anything…" IF held the bridge of her nose. "Let's just go back, please. I want to think about our next step."
Neptune pouted as the party left the room to get out of the dungeon. "Jeez, Iffy, you're such a party pooper."
"IF, I understand that one cannot save the world on an empty stomach or an empty wallet. However, I find taking a job from Avenir shameful, humiliating and in direct opposition to the justice that I stand for." Nisa's posture seemed composed but her face made it apparent she was barely holding back from ripping IF apart.
IF sighed. "I'm sorry but this was the highest paying job available at the time. If there was anything else, trust me when I say I would've chosen that instead."
Jacob spoke up. "I'm actually looking forward to this. We've all heard how 'evil' Avenir is but we've never met anyone who works there in person. Finally, we can see for ourselves what the president and, by proxy, the rest of the company is like."
Neptune seemed to like that answer. "Jacob's right; no amount of reviews can measure up to first-hand experience."
"… Does everything come back to abstract video game references that really don't make sense given the context?"
"Yes," replied the girls.
"Damn it."
"There's our client," IF pointed out.
A man approached the party. As he was a silhouette, the only thing that could be determined about his appearance was that his hair was slicked back and his posture was tall and powerful.
The man didn't say a thing, possibly scrutinising the party.
"Good afternoon, Mister Singe," Jacob greeted with a smile. "My name is Jacob. These are my friends Neptune, Compa, IF and Nisa, the last of which you may recognise. We have taken the monster hunting job offered."
Singe did not respond. He kept looking at the whole party closely. Compa looked a little bit unnerved.
He sighed. "… I don't have a choice," he finally stated. "I need you to eliminate all the surrounding monsters while I inspect a plant by the city outskirts. Don't let any run loose and cause damage to the facility. Get moving." Without another word, he turned and left.
"What's his problem?" Compa was annoyed, which was quite rare. "He must be underestimating us because of our looks. How rude!"
"It's inevitable when you and Neptune are around," IF responded.
Compa was taken aback by that jocular statement. "Iffy, you're not one to talk when you're that short… and without boobies."
"EXCUSE ME?" Nisa was instantly in front of Compa with a face that would frighten Arfoire and a fire in her eyes. "Do you mock our elegant chests? I'll have you know," Nisa drew her gun and extended the blade, "that we who are modestly endowed can have the strength of ten buxom women!"
"Eep!" went Compa.
"Hey hey hey hey hey!" Jacob quickly stepped between the two. "Ladies, let's not fight over something so trivial; we have a job to do. Nisa, you're the most powerful member of this team. Don't let those comments get to you."
"What about me?" asked Neptune. "I can transform and get big, beautiful-"
"You're a goddess and you're in your own league," Jacob interrupted. "We're talking about humans and, as far as that goes, Nisa exceeds all of us as she was able to take on the Egg Dragon with her bare hands and feet."
Nisa's wrath had completely died to be replaced with pride. "That's absolutely right, my pupil; us adequately breasted girls can be every bit as powerful as the mightiest stupidly large breasted girl!"
Jacob facepalmed. "That's not the point… The point is that your cup size has absolutely nothing to do with your physical aptitude."
"Can we please get back to the job at hand?" asked IF loudly.
"Right, sorry. Anyway," Jacob activated his jetpack, "I'll take to the skies and keep an eye out for the monsters. Nisa-"
"Sensei," Nisa reminded him.
"Right, sorry. Sensei, IF, you two are fast so circle the area and cut off any monsters that try to escape. Neptune, Compa, just walk around and take out any monsters you come across. I'll tell you where the monsters are by striking them with my lasers. Alright?"
"Sounds good to me," answered IF.
Compa nodded. "That sounds like a good plan."
Nisa sniffed.
"… Sensei, are you okay?" Jacob asked.
"My pupil's a tactical genius…" Nisa wiped a tear from her eye. "He's growing up so quickly… I'm so proud of you, Jacob…"
"…" Jacob smiled. "Thanks, Sensei."
"Alright everyone, let's clear 'em out!" Neptune cheered.
Neptune wiped some sweat from her forehead. Nisa had joined her and Compa about a minute ago. "I think that's all of them." Neptune looked up. "Hey, Jacob! Any others?"
"Not as far as I can tell. I'm gonna stay up for another minute or so to make sure. I've asked IF to keep alert at the edge to make sure that any that we missed don't scurry off."
IF approached the party. "Okay, I've been patrolling for two minutes and I haven't seen a single other monster. We've definitely killed the lot of them."
Neptune smiled. "Awesome! Good job, everyone!"
Compa was in high spirits. "We did really well today."
"And the Super Dimension Game Party saves the day again!" triumphantly shouts Nisa. "I knew I made the right decision to join your group."
"We're very lucky and thankful to have you in our party, Nisa," Compa responded.
"Here he comes," said IF in regards to Singe, who approached the party. Everyone turned to him in response.
"The inspection is complete. Are you kids done, too?" Singe looked around. "And where's the boy?"
"Up here, sir," Jacob answered before landing. "And yes, all monsters have been exterminated."
Singe's professional posture remained, whether because that was normal for him or he just wasn't surprised. "Really? You sure you didn't miss any?"
Neptune looked really proud of herself. "It's all good when I'm on the prowl! We even took out the boss-like one so I'll betcha that they'll stay away for a while."
"Good." As always, Singe's tone was unchanging and all business. "However, if even one remains and it damages the facility, we will never conduct business with you again."
"Th-That's a bit harsh. Why can't you just repair the facility if that happens?" Compa asked.
"Compa, we were hired in the first place to make sure they didn't have to. I imagine the reward for us helping them is substantially less than how much it'd cost to repair the plant in the event it got damaged," Jacob explained.
"Oh. That makes sense."
IF spoke up. "Anyway, about our payment?"
"It will be forwarded to your accounts." Again, Singe left without saying his farewells.
"The President of Avenir… Given his cold attitude, those 'evil' claims are beginning to hold water," Jacob noted.
"I know, right?" Neptune huffed. "The nerve of that guy."
"Let's go back for now," said IF. The party wordlessly agreed and followed IF out of the forest.
"Finally, we're back." Jacob sighed in relief at the front of the motel. "I want to get some rest."
"Oh no, you don't." Nisa grabbed onto the bottom of Jacob's jacket. "We have training to do."
"Aw, but Nisa," Jacob whined, "we already trained this morning! Not to mention I still haven't quite recovered from you trying to make me do full splits in mid-air."
"We're not going to do something that extreme again, okay? We're just going to take baby steps this time. Now, come on; there's a good open area nearby."
"We'll come, too," said Compa. "I want to see how this training goes."
IF shrugged. "Not like we've got anything better to do."
"Also, Jacob, I acquired some things for you that will prove useful for your training." Nisa reached into her box and took out two very small dumbbells, one after the other. "Use them when you are not busy; they're a good way to build up strength."
"Okay." Jacob took a dumbbell in each hand and began doing bicep curls as the party walked.
Nisa's destination turned out to be a wide open junkyard. Scattered around were various discarded… "items" for lack of a better word, such as a swimming pool, construction pipes, playgrounds, vehicles and more, all of which were at least half covered in rust and not safe to use. The asphalt only covered the ground on the left of the junkyard; it was broken in the middle, leaving only dirt, and to the right of it was, bizarrely, grass with, even more bizarrely, some healthy bundles of flowers here and there. Also in sight were tall buildings and smoke-emitting factories.
"I have no idea where to start with this," began Jacob, his dumbbells tucked inside his disc. "I mean, why are those apartment buildings even in the same area as the factories? That can't be healthy, especially since that smoke is at least as high as the highest rooms, meaning they're not getting any healthy air. Who designed this bloody landmass?"
"Jacob, as admirable as your knowledge of practical architecture is, we should get this lesson underway," Nisa said, settled into her teaching role. "Now, as this is your first proper lesson, I believe we should work on simple exercises of power."
"Actually, I was wondering if you could teach me how to disarm someone," Jacob requested.
Nisa raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
"Yeah, just in case some random schmuck runs up to me with a knife or holds me at gunpoint. I want to be able to defend myself if that ever happens."
"Very well, that is fair enough." Nisa took out her prinny gun. "Now, the first thing you should know is that there are different preferred methods of disarming someone with a gun and someone with a melee weapon. As most citizens of Gamindustri specialise with melee weapons, let us begin with that." Nisa walked behind Jacob with the yellow energy blade extending from her firearm. "Okay, on the occasion someone has you in a position like this…"
IF turned to Neptune and Compa, who were sitting next to her on the pipe about ten meters away from the training session. "Hey, have you heard about the mysterious monsters appearing in Lastation?"
"Ooh, are they tough? Super tough? What kinda monsters are they?" Neptune asked, eager to fight a powerful opponent.
"I was told they attack in groups while making weird noises," IF responded.
Just then, something made a weird noise.
"And… I think I heard a weird noise just now…" said IF slowly.
"What was that?" asked Jacob as he held Nisa's arm over his shoulder with the underside facing upwards.
"It's nothing, don't worry. Now, you know that pulling my arm down's gonna hurt me because the arm shouldn't bend backwards, right?"
"Huh?" Neptune strained to hear the weird noises but she couldn't. "Oh, phsaw! Don't try to scare us like that."
"I-I hear it, too…!" Compa switched to nervous mode again. "It's coming from every direction!"
"Okay, seriously, what is that?" Jacob asked again.
"Don't worry; they're not going to hurt you. Now, when you've elbowed your assaulter in the gut…"
"Are we surrounded? Is it an ambush?" IF slid off of the pipe and switched her katara out. "E-Everyone, get ready?"
"It's fine, don't worry!" Nisa assured the girls. "They're just robot dogs!"
Neptune, Compa and IF looked at Nisa. Jacob just kept looking straight ahead because Nisa was behind him. "… Huh?"
"Arf! Arf, arf!"
From the surrounding junk, a multitude of toy robot dog silhouettes that looked like AIBOs came out and approached the girls. One of them went up to Neptune. "Arf!" it went before whimpering.
"Phew…" IF retracted her weapons.
"… Aren't these the robotic pets that were popular a few years back?" Compa asked as she crouched down to look at a couple of dogs that were sitting in front of her.
"Huh? I never knew nothin' about it," said Neptune.
"That's because you're an amnesiac, Neptune," Jacob noted as he let go of Nisa's arm. "Sensei, you know these things?"
"Yeah." Nisa crouched down to pet a couple of them. Most of the rest of them decided to get close to her. "I come here often to practice new techniques that I learn after levelling up. These pet robots were abandoned by people after the trend died down and ended up here. They're good companions for relaxation after a hard day's work."
"They're not threatening at all." Neptune petted the head of the dog that stayed in front of her. "Look at how they're wagging their tails and being all nice and stuff!" The dog whimpered in delight at Neptune's affection. Neptune chuckled. "There, there. I know you're just lonely, ArfArf. It's okay, come over here to Mama Neptune…"
"Seems they've found their newest pack member…" IF commented before she felt her phone rumble in her pocket.
Jacob sighed. "Well, now I feel sad."
"Why, Jake?" asked Compa.
"Well, these dogs have been abandoned and left to rot in this dump and all they want is a home. I want to take them with me-"
The dogs all snapped their heads towards him at once.
"- but I can't."
The dogs whimpered in disappointment and hung their heads.
Nisa thought for a moment. "Well, why don't you just take them in your disc?"
"I know I can do that but that's not the problem. Where are we going to find the money to replace their batteries?"
Nisa smiled. "You don't need to worry about that, my student! These canines run on batteries of the DuraDuraDuracell brand! They last thirty times longer than Caffeniser Ton-Duty batteries and the dogs are smart enough to replace their own batteries if they run short."
"Wait, what? How the hell can they do that? How can they hold the screwdriver, much less use it to open their battery ports?"
Nisa waved her hand dismissively. "Details. Now, do you want them or not?"
"I do!" Compa bent down towards the dogs. "Would you all like to come with us?" All at once, the dogs barked and rolled over to Compa. "Well, come on in!" One by one, she picked up the dogs and put them in her disc. Jacob did the same and so did Neptune, starting with the one she named ArfArf.
"Well, this party just got livelier," IF noted. "Oh, by the way, Chian called. She wants to talk with us at her restaurant about our most recent job with Avenir."
"Huh?" Neptune was confused. "How did she know about that?"
"I don't know but let's go talk with her anyway. She also said she has a job for us."
"Yahoo! More money incoming! Let's go, everyone!"
Nisa turned to Jacob. "After this, we'll practice disarming a bit more." She then sighed. "If we keep progressing through the plot at this rate, we'll never get your training done."
Jacob took out his dumbbells. "I'm sure an opportunity will come around sooner or later, like waiting for a landmass or something. Anyway, let's move."
"Hiya!" shouted Neptune as she burst into Chian's restaurant once more and sat at the counter with the rest of the party. "Aw, I feel so at home… This dirty counter, the small, confined rooms… The smell of food baked into the walls!"
Jacob looked at the counter closely while rubbing his bicep. "… Dirty?"
"Shut up!" retorted Chian. "Did you meet Singe? What did you think? Isn't he horrible?"
"We didn't really talk much," IF answered. "He gave us a job, we did it, he told us that he won't work with us again if we screwed up and then he left."
Jacob continued. "As far as we can tell, though, he's a bit of a jerk. Given that he's the president of Avenir, they might be bad guys after all."
"… Really?" Chian didn't seem to be expecting that. "He didn't rant on about how you were imperfect or something, or the superiority of machines?"
"… No, he didn't," Jacob answered, confused. "Why, is that normal?"
"Pretty much." Chian crossed her arms. "He's entirely against manual labour."
"You've met him before?" Neptune asked.
"Naturally. He represents the whole company. He's also one of my old school's alumnus."
Jacob stuck up his hand. "The word you're looking for is 'alumni', which is the plural of alumnus."
"Jacob, cut that out," said Neptune.
"Not my fault the writers can't even use a spellchecker."
"Anyway," said Chian through gritted teeth, determined to drive this conversation back on its proper road, "I saw him when he came to lecture a class. I bet he just prattled on about how precise machines are and whatnot."
"You 'bet'? Are you telling me you slept through the lecture?" Jacob asked.
Chian was flustered. "W-Well, so what if I did?"
"He didn't say anything like that when we talked to him," said Compa.
"Guess he didn't have the opportunity." Chian crossed her arms. "He doesn't approve of any technician's skill or pride. I despise him, but that's not the only reason. But enough of that. Let's talk about getting you another job. I need you to go to the next town and pick up some materials from Chevre. Here." She gave Neptune a rolled-up large piece of paper. "It's the map to his shop."
Neptune put it away in her hammerspace. "Thanks. Don't worry; we'll get those materials lickity-split!"
"… Broading public information from the Basilicom." Everyone turned to the radio that just started.
"How long's that been on?" Jacob asked.
"Shh!" IF nudged Jacob slightly.
The broadcast continued. "After discussions amongst the Basilicom representatives, the Tech Expo has been cancelled this year."
The news shocked everyone to the very core. The Tech Expo, the only line of hope that Passe had in order to not fail like every other company...
... gone?
"What?" Chian said loudly after the surprise subsided. "Wait a sec!"
"The Sanctuary announced this is due to a decreased number of exhibitors," the radio went on. "However, the civil community speculates that the Parliament may have pressured the Sanctuary into the cancellation of this traditional event…"
Any other moment, Jacob would have raised the issue as to whether news broadcasters were allowed to voice such political scandal. However, he was too surprised right now to say anything.
"Are you kidding me? We can't wait another four years!" screamed Chian as she grabbed the radio with as much force as she could muster. "By then, all the factories will be long gone!" She raised the radio into the air, ready to throw it at the ground.
Neptune was quite alarmed by this point. "Whoa, Chian, calm down!"
Chian froze. Everyone was too afraid to say anything.
Then Chian placed the radio back, not looking at the party. "This was probably the last chance my company had…" she murmured.
The party looked at one another, uncertainty shared equally amongst them. Finally, Compa spoke. "Chian… are you going to be okay?"
Chian turned away from the party and braced herself on the wall. "Yeah… I think…" She sighed. There was no doubt in the party's mind that Chian was, for all intents and purposes, really hurt. "Please go for a bit. I need some time to think."
"… Okay." Neptune hopped off her barstool. "Come on, everyone."
"Whoa…" Jacob took in some air once the party was outside. "Can't believe the Expo's been cancelled."
IF raised an eyebrow. "What's this? High King Snark has no sarcastic quips for us this time?"
"No, actually, I don't," he responded. "Still, what do we do now? Do we go for the materials or what?"
"Actually… don't be mad, please, but I accepted a quest." Compa turned her face to the side and tapped her index fingers together.
Everyone turned to her. "Really? Which one?" asked Jacob.
"A child has gotten lost in a dungeon and the mother wants us to find them," Compa explained. "I'm sorry, I just felt sorry for the poor mother."
"Oh, for the love of…" IF facepalmed. "We don't have a single clue regarding the Key Fragment or a Guard Vermin. Why would you take a job about a lost child on top of this?"
"We'll never save the world if we don't save its people!" Compa argued. "My grandpa said, 'you must learn to walk before you can run'! The mom looked worried. There are so many nasty creatures outside of town. Her child will be eaten if we don't hurry!"
"So what?" IF crossed her arms. "Babies get eaten all the time. It's survival of the fittest. I'll leave you behind if you keep dilly-dallying."
"IF!" Nisa shouted. "How could you speak of such a callous act? We are heroes of justice, sworn to defend the weak and defenceless!"
"Yeah!" Jacob was also indignant. "I mean, if we're going to go by that survival of the fittest bull, we might as well not be on this quest to begin with!"
"... What is with you people?" IF murmured quietly to herself.
"Don't worry Iffy; I'll buy you some lollipops later!" Neptune promised cheerily.
"Stop calling me Iffy, please," IF responded through gritted teeth.
"So, Compa, what's this kid look like?" Neptune asked.
"The mom said her/his body is just an NPC silhouette so she/he should be easy to spot," answered Compa.
"Wait. Hold on. What?" Jacob put his fingers on the sides of his head like he was imitating a psychic. He then stopped. "You mean to tell me that the citizens of Gamindustri actually know that other people are silhouettes?"
"Yeah, they do."
"... Then why don't they act any differently when they see that we aren't silhouettes?"
Compa raised her index finger to answer in a manner befitting of a teacher... but she didn't answer. "I... don't know."
"That's a very good question," noted IF.
"This mystery will have to be put on hold!" Nisa announced. "As Compa has said with the utmost accuracy, this child will not survive long if we do not come to their rescue!"
"I wonder how many plot holes we're just going to leave unravelled by this time this adventure closes?" IF asked.
"Don't know, don't care," Neptune answered. "Right now, we're on a mission!"
The dungeon the party arrived at was another Cave #1 copy.
Jacob sighed. "Another day, another one-floor dungeon with copy-pasted walls and endless random-encounter turn-based flash-transition battles."
"Oh, suck it up," IF rebuked.
"Jacob, as your leader, I demand you give me a chance to say funny things whenever we enter a dungeon from now on," ordered Neptune.
"Bite me," Jacob retorted.
The party progressed through the dungeon at a leisurely rate until they came across some monsters, three in total. One of them was a giant blue Minotaur that wore a golden helmet with an elongated 'beak', two horns and a visor with many vertical slits and a red loincloth. In its right hand, it held a large hatchet that was proportioned similar to a cleaver. Its left hand didn't exist; instead, a buckler was strapped to its left stone wrist cuff by a red cloth. On its back was a large red cape held in place by three pieces of golden neck armour.
The other two monsters were far less threatening. Compared to the Minotaur that was two Neptunes tall, these weeds didn't even reach Neptune's knee. They were small white plants with green legs and green leaves sticking out of their heads. They also two large leaves acting as arms. What was most distinguishable about them, however, was that they looked like they were about to cry at any moment.
"Compa, what are those?" Jacob asked.
"The big one's a Gyuki and the small ones are Weeping Grass."
"I'm worried about the Gyuki."
"Never fear, my student!" Nisa shouted from behind him. "I shall provide emotional support from back here!"
The rest of the party turned back to face her. "… Why aren't you up here?" Jacob asked.
"… We practice turn-based combat. How do you not know this?"
"Oh, that's right," Jacob facepalmed.
"Um, Nisa?" Compa spoke up. "We don't do that anymore. We just charge right in and take the monsters out."
"… You do?" Nisa asked.
"Yeah," confirmed IF. "It's much quicker and more fun and we still get EXP for it."
"Wait; we still level up from this?" Jacob asked.
"… Yeah, didn't you know that?" IF returned.
"Well, I kind of figured we'd be exempt since we kind of buggered over the combat. What level am I?"
"I think we're about level 10 by now."
"Oh, sweet… What does that do?"
"Increased health, physical attack, ranged attack, physical defence and ranged defence. There's also getting more combos but, as we just fight the enemies free form, we don't really use them."
"Nice."
"You're not gonna cry foul at levelling up, Jacob?" Neptune asked.
"Hey, I don't have a problem with levelling up. Turn-based combat most definitely but not levelling up. Getting stronger and getting new abilities to juggle your foes with is very cool."
"Alright, I can see the sense in that," said Nisa. "However, I still cannot battle with you."
"What? Why?" asked Jacob.
"I cannot battle without my battle ticket. It must be bought from the Lastation Store for three dollars forty five."
All was silent.
Jacob rubbed his temples. "You're kidding."
"While it does pain me that I cannot fight for justice alongside my dearest comrades, I must abide by the rules of DLC."
"But you're already a member of the party! Why the hell should I get permission to use a resource I already have? What kind of bullcrap is this?"
"I don't know but, as long as I don't have my battle ticket, I cannot fight with you. Such is life."
Jacob raised his fists to the sky.
Compa put a hand on his shoulder. "Calm down, Jacob. We'll just pay when we get back."
Jacob sighed and lowered his fists. "You're right; we'll just wait this out and- Nisa, there's a god damn giant spider behind you!"
"Where?" Nisa turned around fast as lightning but there was no spider behind her. However, now that Jacob was behind her, he hooked his arms under her shoulders and lifted her into the air. "Hey! This is not appropriate conduct between a student and his sensei!"
"Oh calm down," Jacob told her before flying over the Gyuki and dropping her on top of it.
"HEY!" she called before performing an axe kick on the Gyuki's head with enough force to knock it down. "Okay, fine! Legal transactions can wait."
"Yes! Everyone, destroy them!" commanded Jacob.
At once, the party charged forward. With the Gyuki toppled and the Weeping Grass being Weeping Grass, the battle was over very quickly.
"You were right," Nisa said as she twirled her arm, "that was much quicker."
"Glad you agree." Jacob rolled his shoulders. "Now, can we please drop that whole DLC nonsense, preferably for the rest of the game?"
Nisa sighed. "Fine. You will have unlimited access to my righteous services for free."
"Yes!" Jacob high-fived Neptune. "Now, let's get moving."
About a minute or so of walking around, taking the contents of random treasure chests and punching Cockatrices in the face, kicking Weeping Grass out of the way and actually putting even a little bit of effort into killing Gyuki, the party came across a round room.
In the middle of it was the bloody corpse of a monster.
"A monster… It's already dead," IF noted as she crouched before the monster's corpse.
Jacob crouched down beside IF as did Nisa. "Don't monsters burst into data after death?"
"We're probably in a cutscene." IF looked over at Neptune and Compa, who were standing a distance away. They didn't look very comfortable at all. "What're you doing? Hurry up and get over here."
"Nope, no thanks!" Neptune responded. "It's all you, Iffy! Go ahead and take care of it. Compa and I are gonna wait here patiently."
"Just tell us if you don't want to find the lost child!" Compa added on.
IF's eye twitched. "We've beaten a ton of monsters already. Aren't you used to seeing them dead yet?"
"To be fair, they haven't actually seen a monster corpse. They always explode into bits of data when we kill them," stated Jacob.
IF inspected the corpse. "… A clean cut and a huge welt. Doesn't look like any weaponry from Lastation."
"So a cutting weapon and… what? A stick? How does that make sense?" Jacob asked.
"Blunt side of a sword, possibly. Could it be Planeptune's advanced weaponry? No… but what…?"
Nisa turned her head to the side. "Huh?" She stood up very quickly and drew her prinny gun. "Halt! Who goes there?"
A woman approached the party. She looked a lot like Purple Heart, except her secondary colour was white and her bodysuit had no sleeves. She also had white claws and a few white spike ornaments protruding from her wrist cuffs. Her wings were in the shape of two floating circular black objects on either side of her, each having three blue half-diamond spikes that resembled thrusters, which directly contrasted Purple Heart's hologram-esque butterfly wings. Her long, unbound white hair ended just above her waist and she had somewhat messy bangs. Her eyes were like Purple Heart's, only they were cyan instead of blue.
"Are you Nisa?" she asked. "Never expected to see the so-called hero of Gamindustri in a dungeon like this."
"I am indeed Nisa, she who smites evil, but who might you be and why are you in this dungeon?"
"The kid," she responded. "I came to save a child. It's taken care of. But I don't need to be thanked. Anyway, there was supposed to be a girl who accepted the same job. Her name's Neptune. You know her?"
"Why is this important to you?" Jacob stood up. "What, tossing her off of Celestia wasn't enough and now you feel the need to push her off Gamindustri entirely?"
Everyone looked towards Jacob, shocked at his words. "Jacob, what's going on?" Compa asked.
The mysterious girl narrowed her eyes at him in distain. "What on Gamindustri are you talking about?"
"Cut the crap, Black Heart." Jacob's statement shocked everyone further. "I know it's you."
Black Heart was definitely taken off guard but she composed herself. "Why would you call me by such a name? Surely you know that Black Heart looks absolutely nothing like me?"
"That's true. However, Purple Heart looks absolutely nothing like Neptune." Jacob turned to Neptune. "Care to demonstrate?"
Neptune transformed into Purple Heart and approached Black Heart, stopping a few meters away. "So you're one of the goddesses that pushed me off Celestia. Why would you do that?"
Black Heart was now visibly shocked. "How did you know…?" she asked Jacob.
"I know a lot of things. Now, why did you do that to Neptune?"
Black Heart clenched her fist. From her own hammerspace, Black Heart took out a massive grey sword that was at least as tall as her. It had two blades back-to-back that were spaced apart, the round hand guard was very large and there was what seemed to be a secondary grip with a hand guard shaped like half a diamond directly below it. "This has nothing to do with you, foreigner. This is between me and Purple Heart."
"Yeah, not happening." Jacob stood in front of Purple Heart and got into a battle stance. "See, Neptune's kind of on a mission to save someone and we're her compatriots. You mess with her, you mess with us."
Black Heart smirked. "Well, if you think you can take me on, I'll be happy to play with you." Black Heart got into her battle stance.
"Neptune," Jacob whispered silently behind him, "tell Nisa to strike her with a Justice Kick once her back's turned. Hopefully, we'll wrap this up in one move."
"Very well," Purple Heart whispered back.
With their eyes locked, Black Heart and Jacob silently and slowly circled each other, waiting for the opportunity to strike. Well, Black Heart was; Jacob was trying to move her into position for his plan. He knew he couldn't take on Black Heart even if his life depended on it. Black Heart stopped when they rotated ninety degrees so that they were both an equal distance away from the party and raised her sword ever so slightly. Jacob stopped as well but Black Heart was not in the position required for his plan to work an he knew that, if he tried to push the circling, she'd close the distance between them in a second and slice him into ribbons.
Everyone knew by now that Jacob's lasers were pathetically weak. They were too weak to do noticeable damage and they were too thin to attack multiple targets at once. They did, however, have another use.
Thinking quickly, Jacob activated his jetpack as he fired a laser from each hand, one in a line in front of Black Heart and another in a line directly in front of him. These lasers kicked up clouds of dust that obscured him from his opponent, allowing him to fly away quickly to the right just as Black Heart blindly charged forward in an attempt to tackle him into the wall. He landed and got into another battle stance just as she stopped herself. "Over here," he called.
Black Heart turned to face him. "Nice try. However, trying to blind me so that I'll smash into a wall isn't going to work in this world." She smirked again. "This isn't a video game, you know."
The irony in that statement caused Jacob to smile. "While that would've been a nice bonus, I did that simply so I could inflict on you the kick of justice." He didn't look directly at her but he could tell that Nisa got the signal.
Black Heart didn't catch on. "Is that what you na-"
Before she could finish, Nisa smashed into the back of Black Heart's head with the speed and force of a rocket-propelled meteor. Jacob dodged to the right as Black Heart flew past him and bounced on the floor a few times before coming to a stop. Nisa had jumped off of Black Heart's head on impact and landed on the floor.
"No loud cry of 'Justice Kick' this time, Sensei?" Jacob asked with a smile.
Nisa dusted her hands as she walked up to Jacob. "Sometimes, Jacob, a situation calls for subtlety. That was a very good plan, by the way."
"It worked because she's too focused on being stronger rather than being the winner," said Jacob. "Now, what should we do with- oh, crap."
Black Heart slowly pushed herself off the ground, clearly in a great amount of pain. She managed to stand up but on shaky legs. She also looked very mad. "Jacob, was it…?" she asked, panting. "You have no idea what you have just done…"
Nisa stretched a hand out to stop Jacob from advancing. "Jacob, retreat to Compa's side; you've done enough for this battle. Lady Purple Heart, IF and I will finish her off."
"You think it will be that easy…?" Black Heart asked as Jacob flew back to Compa.
IF and Purple Heart came up to Nisa's side. "Well, that attack obviously took a lot out of you, our CPU is still nice and fresh and it's now three on one. I think the odds are in our favour," IF answered with a smirk.
"Really now?" In defiance of her injuries, Black Heart rushed forward to perform a horizontal swipe on the three melee combatants. Nisa hopped back while Purple Heart simply parried the attack and followed up with a snap kick that pushed Black Heart back. IF followed through by advancing and making two cuts at Black Heart's torso. She then performed a reverse roundhouse kick but Black Heart caught it and simply flung IF to the side.
Nisa leaped forward to flying snap kick Black Heart's face but the attack was blocked. When she landed, she used her left fist to strike Black Heart's abdomen, which struck true but Black Heart was nothing if not stubborn; she swiped horizontally but Nisa jumped over it. She tried to kick Black Heart's face again but Black Heart, to the surprise of everyone, dropped the sword and snatched Nisa's leg before tossing her away. Nisa, however, landed on her feet and stopped herself from going any further. Black Heart picked up her sword but not before she was struck in the back by a bullet and two energy spheres, followed by another bullet.
"I've had enough of you!" Furiously, she turned around to charge towards the long-range combatants but Purple Heart would not let that happen; she flashed in front of Black Heart and horizontally slashed high. Black Heart ducked and rammed Purple Heart into the wall using her flight but, even though it did hurt, Purple Heart rose into the air and kicked Black Heart away before speeding forward with her sword, which Black Heart blocked.
"They're too high to use CQC on," Jacob noted. "Just shoot when Purple Heart's out of harm's way."
Purple Heart and Black Heart continued their duel in the air. Given that Black Heart had already taken a lot of damage and was still a bit dazed from Nisa's Justice Kick and Purple Heart had taken very little damage and whose head was not spinning like a top on a lake of ice coated with butter, Purple Heart had a clear advantage. Black Heart's sword strokes, while powerful, were frenzied, desperate and sluggish, which gave Purple Heart's calm, precise and swift attacks no competition.
While their blades were clashing, Black Heart briefly gained the upper hand when she successfully forced Purple Heart away. She attempted to follow through with a painful assault but she found herself getting pummelled by energy spheres and more bullets. "Cut that out!" she roared.
"Okay." Jacob heeded her request and treated her to a Wide Roar instead, which engulfed her entirely.
"Now, Nep-Nep!" Compa called.
Jacob discontinued his attack to let Purple perform a powerful downwards swing with her sword. Black Heart's blade managed to stop the sword from striking her but there was no strength behind her block; the mighty blow sent Black Heart to the ground, causing her to drop her weapon. Purple Heart descended to the ground and transformed back into Neptune as her friends came to her side, weapons ready.
"No…" she panted as she kneeled. "How could I lose…?"
"Superior tactics, strength in numbers and surprise attacks really help." Jacob walked up to the defeated CPU. "Now," he raised his hand at Black Heart's face, "tell me what your beef is with Neptune."
Black Heart raised her head and saw Jacob's outstretched palm, the weapon that shot those spheres. She could tell he was eager to use it again. She wouldn't let him.
"I'll crush you all next time!" Black Heart shouted as she quickly rose into the air and flew out the room, energy balls and bullets following after here.
"Damn it, goddesses are fast," Jacob complained. "Well, that's our only source of information regarding what happened in Celestia well and truly gone. Now what?"
"I can't believe that we actually defeated a CPU in direct combat," Nisa stated.
"We had Neptune here as well as you." IF retracted her katara. "We were always going to win, with or without Jacob's strategy."
"Which, if I say so myself, was ingenious," Jacob said with a proud smile.
"It was effective, I'll give you that," IF told him. "Doesn't change the fact that this whole mission was a waste of time. We still don't know where to find the Key Fragment or a dungeon containing a Guard Vermin, the Tech Expo's still closed down and we're not getting paid for this sidequest."
"IF, be more proud of yourself!" Nisa swatted patted IF on the back. "You managed to go toe-to-toe with Lady Black Heart herself! Not many people can claim such a thing."
"It's good that we also found out that Lady Black Heart has the same ability to transform as Neptune," Compa chipped in.
"That doesn't change anything…" IF held the bridge of her nose. "Let's just go back, please. I want to think about our next step."
Neptune pouted as the party left the room to get out of the dungeon. "Jeez, Iffy, you're such a party pooper."
© 2013 - 2024 Porecomesis
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